he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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