I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
