What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
