did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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