My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
