"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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