So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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