I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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