He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
