I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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