well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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