god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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