My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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