you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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