It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
