Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
