hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
