I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you win again, gameday.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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