Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
