every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
