my being single is dangerous.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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