I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
