i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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