my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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