when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
