I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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