and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
