shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
