my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
