I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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