His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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