He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize