apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize