Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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