I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
