i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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