I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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