oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Randomize
