she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
