Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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