if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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