Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
