its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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