Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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