Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
