woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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