So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
