why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize