I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
