If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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