I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
