I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just invented taco cereal.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
