Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
