Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
