no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
