Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
