I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
where are my eyebrows?
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