He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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