Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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