My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
