I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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