The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize