i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize