New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
