i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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