I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
