You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
