A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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