If i come over, it means nothing
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize