he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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