You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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