Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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