if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
