Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
