Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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