also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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