We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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