i just wanna soil my oats bro
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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