I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
