And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
