you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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