There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize