I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
