I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
