so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
