i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
