The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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