Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
