I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
