saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
