VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
