I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
