Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
