She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
