real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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