i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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