AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize