You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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