Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
