I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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