My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
